Three months ago was when I last wrote here. So much has happened yet not enough to write about. I can give you the short version: I celebrated six years together with my boyfriend, yes I had a nice Christmas, no I haven’t started my business or selling online yet, and somewhere along the line I have been having a mental breakdown, very slowly. Art progress has suffered and I feel like I am holding myself back because of any excuse. Yeah, so I have been doing bits here and there and posting on Instagram etc. but I can never be satisfied until all that is making me feel the way I am is resolved. And unfortunately I will have to go down a very long and hard trail to reach what I need. I know everyone says it’s more fulfilling to do things the hard way, or go the long road, but it’s proving to be more mentally challenging than physical, and it’s damaging me.
I WANT to live stream on Twitch my art work, upload the videos onto Youtube, do some tutorials, get more interactive with the community and viewers, maybe do a little vlogging, make and create everyday, and sell my art to you all. But there are things that hold me back, such as financial issues, location, and what I assume is anxiety. I don’t know cause I’ve always been told I’m ‘too young’ to be anxious, so can’t really say that’s what it is, but it makes me nervous as hell over everything. There is a comfort bubble I found myself in, and it’s to the point of getting boring. I need to be active doing what I love, but can’t do anything about it until I have financial stability, a place of my own, and the time to do what I want to feel happy. This all starts with doing a work placement experience in some offices, as of next week. Totally different than what I want to do, but I need to start getting out there and getting some experience and getting a job. Only then will I feel comfortable and can I have the funds to move out of my parents place, and somewhere where I can indulge in my art at last.
Until then, I will keep doing the occasional piece and upload to my social medias for you to see. Wait for me on the other side of this block, ok? I promise it’ll get better.