So the last month has been an experience. To sum it up: I have learnt I can make my own job, my own career, my own life. There are definitely barriers in the way that will be a while to break down or climb over, but they don’t seem too bad in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, I still panic from time to time that I am not going to make it, but I got my whole life to hurdle over it all. I just need to calm down my mind and realise my potential, and keep to my plans with the expectation of them changing due to external factors.
It’s nearly been a whole year since I finished university and came home. The whole year has been so slow and mostly boring, with the last two months being the peak times. I look forward and am nervous how the nearby future will pan out.
I cannot reveal much at the moment, but it’s looking good. I just need to keep my feet on the ground and remember what good I got going for myself.
As usual, check out my Instagram for updates and artwork! (Feltminz)
Not a lot to update about, so I’ll keep this short:
I met with people from Welsh ICE, a company about helping small business starting, may become a member once I get my ideas and plans going and in a clear path.
Have signed up to two different workshops that last a few weeks. One starts tomorrow and helps with starting up a business for free, networking and business plans. The other helps with focusing your passions and ideas into action.
Still trying to start up my Etsy shop, but I keep running out of time in the day to do anything I want.
Currently learning to read Egyptian hieroglyphs as a side career. I definitely want to be a researcher, and this will be a good start in that.
Honestly there is not a lot to be said, as everything is going a mile an hour. Main focus is to attend these workshops and get started with my own freelancing/self-employment with the online shop/stalls/etc.
Second priority I guess I should say the driving lessons, but my research projects are more fun to do.
You can see more updates on my Twitter when I can be bothered. Keep an eye out for updates on when my store is open!
Three months ago was when I last wrote here. So much has happened yet not enough to write about. I can give you the short version: I celebrated six years together with my boyfriend, yes I had a nice Christmas, no I haven’t started my business or selling online yet, and somewhere along the line I have been having a mental breakdown, very slowly. Art progress has suffered and I feel like I am holding myself back because of any excuse. Yeah, so I have been doing bits here and there and posting on Instagram etc. but I can never be satisfied until all that is making me feel the way I am is resolved. And unfortunately I will have to go down a very long and hard trail to reach what I need. I know everyone says it’s more fulfilling to do things the hard way, or go the long road, but it’s proving to be more mentally challenging than physical, and it’s damaging me.
I WANT to live stream on Twitch my art work, upload the videos onto Youtube, do some tutorials, get more interactive with the community and viewers, maybe do a little vlogging, make and create everyday, and sell my art to you all. But there are things that hold me back, such as financial issues, location, and what I assume is anxiety. I don’t know cause I’ve always been told I’m ‘too young’ to be anxious, so can’t really say that’s what it is, but it makes me nervous as hell over everything. There is a comfort bubble I found myself in, and it’s to the point of getting boring. I need to be active doing what I love, but can’t do anything about it until I have financial stability, a place of my own, and the time to do what I want to feel happy. This all starts with doing a work placement experience in some offices, as of next week. Totally different than what I want to do, but I need to start getting out there and getting some experience and getting a job. Only then will I feel comfortable and can I have the funds to move out of my parents place, and somewhere where I can indulge in my art at last.
Until then, I will keep doing the occasional piece and upload to my social medias for you to see. Wait for me on the other side of this block, ok? I promise it’ll get better.
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.
-My Way, Frank Sinatra
The final project is over, and these lyrics couldn’t sum it up any more better.
Now I am at that point after university everyone talks about. The dreaded nothingness and unexpected future. These few months straight after will determine your life forever. Not really, but that’s what it feels like. And you know what? It’s not that bad. Yeah, I haven’t got a job yet, nor my own place, but now is the time for me to keep practising what I love doing and plan for the many years ahead of me.
Yes, it does feel like it is taking forever for something, anything, to happen and it makes me feel anxious not knowing exactly what for. I do know what I want to be doing and where I want to go, it will just take me a long time to get to that point. Famous artists were not known for their art since the day they were born, or even straight out of school. Heck, Vincent Van Gogh was more famous after he died!
So what have I been up to since end of June? For a quick view of recent images, pop over to my Instagram or visit my Facebook for more! Do keep an eye out for my updates upon Twitter.
I started this blog about four years ago to dabble in getting my foot in the social media door. I have been through an Art & Design Foundation degree, gone onto a BA (Bachelor of Arts) degree in Illustration, gained an honors and HND diploma along the way, and here I am on the edge of the other side.
I took this integrated MDes (Masters in Design) to be more satisfied with my work than what I produced at the end of the BA. But alas, I have failed the module and so not passed the MDes degree.
I cannot describe how emotionally broke I have felt in the last few days, ranging from being just peachy and ignoring the failure, to screaming into the pillow and questioning my worth. Art and being creative is all I am, so what am I if I failed at that?
The good news is the university has given me the option to do more work to submit next month, just enough to pass. The only downside is I would be graduating NEXT year instead.
So today has been more optimistic, writing down things I wish to do/make in the next year until the graduation ceremony. That way it would feel twice as satisfying graduating, having done so much more than if I did graduate this year.
I’d like to say congratulations to all my friends that have passed. You all have worked to your own capabilities to be where you are today, well done.
There’s still a few tears prickling me at the thought of failure, but I know that at the end of the day it’s not the grade on a piece of paper that matters, it is the quality of the art and how happy I am with it and my life. I will work to achieve what I now know what I really want, even if it has been delayed longer than I wanted.
A word of advice for anyone thinking of going into an art degree: do it. But be aware of everything from your priorities to your wants and needs. I wish I could tell my past self who is just starting out on this journey to do the work to BE HAPPY, not just do it for the sake of ticking boxes.
The next post will be after this extra work is complete and I can finally relax with a cocktail on a beach somewhere sunny.
See you in a month or two, keep an eye out!
1 day left until the exhibition is over.
4 days and 1 month until I move from university back to home.
18 days and 1 month until I graduate for good.
And forever to be whatever I want to be for the rest of my life.
It is coming to the end of my education in university, and I am not scared for whatever happens afterwards. I am willing to embrace the dramatic change and become an adult with a degree. I know what I want to do with what skills I have developed over the last five years, and will not become one of those who wastes their degree by getting a shelf job, never having to use what they spent thousands to learn. Yes I will need to get a part-time job probably stacking shelves to start with until my art becomes the main source of income, but I will not let it consume me. I have many options ahead of me and any one of them could change, and that’s ok. So long as I am happy and still doing my art as often as I still am now, maybe more often.
But what I am scared of is what I will be leaving behind. Comparing my life here at university to my life at home is like looking at two completely different people. Here I have friends, a social life. Freedom to walk 5 minutes to the beach and 10 to walk to town. Restaurants and takeaways I have been a regular at so much that the managers and staff recognise me, and have become like friends in a formal manner. A home to look after and pay the bills, something to be proud of (even though I am not proud of the mess it gets in due to the other housemates.) And mostly the people I have come to call friends. It will be hard not being able to simply walk down the corridor just to have a cup of tea and chat with any of them ever again. We all come from different places across the country, and it’s not easy just to hop on the train to visit for a few hours either.
I have learnt so much since moving away from home, and not just art skills, but things that you don’t get taught but learn through experience. I have learnt what it takes to look after myself, cook, clean, how to look after a house. How you don’t have to get everyone to like you and accept people for who they are and myself, that I shouldn’t change anything about myself just to please others. I am quite an anxious person but have learnt not to let that over come me so often (I can even talk to people on the phone now!) I now know what I like and dislike. I am not afraid to be myself. I have a better relationship with my parents now that I understand adult things and why they do what they do.
I have a plan and a future ahead of me and cannot wait for it.
Thank you for everyone who has followed this blog. This is not the end yet. Keep an eye out.
Here is an update for you of all the places you can find me and my art work!
A portfolio of my needle and wet felting art.
A monthly update to catch up and some behind-the-scenes of some of my art
Some sketchbook work and experimental stuff
Regular updates of varied work
Not so regular updates of work (mainly used for networking)