Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.
-My Way, Frank Sinatra
The final project is over, and these lyrics couldn’t sum it up any more better.
Now I am at that point after university everyone talks about. The dreaded nothingness and unexpected future. These few months straight after will determine your life forever. Not really, but that’s what it feels like. And you know what? It’s not that bad. Yeah, I haven’t got a job yet, nor my own place, but now is the time for me to keep practising what I love doing and plan for the many years ahead of me.
Yes, it does feel like it is taking forever for something, anything, to happen and it makes me feel anxious not knowing exactly what for. I do know what I want to be doing and where I want to go, it will just take me a long time to get to that point. Famous artists were not known for their art since the day they were born, or even straight out of school. Heck, Vincent Van Gogh was more famous after he died!
So what have I been up to since end of June? For a quick view of recent images, pop over to my Instagram or visit my Facebook for more! Do keep an eye out for my updates upon Twitter.
I started this blog about four years ago to dabble in getting my foot in the social media door. I have been through an Art & Design Foundation degree, gone onto a BA (Bachelor of Arts) degree in Illustration, gained an honors and HND diploma along the way, and here I am on the edge of the other side.
I took this integrated MDes (Masters in Design) to be more satisfied with my work than what I produced at the end of the BA. But alas, I have failed the module and so not passed the MDes degree.
I cannot describe how emotionally broke I have felt in the last few days, ranging from being just peachy and ignoring the failure, to screaming into the pillow and questioning my worth. Art and being creative is all I am, so what am I if I failed at that?
The good news is the university has given me the option to do more work to submit next month, just enough to pass. The only downside is I would be graduating NEXT year instead.
So today has been more optimistic, writing down things I wish to do/make in the next year until the graduation ceremony. That way it would feel twice as satisfying graduating, having done so much more than if I did graduate this year.
I’d like to say congratulations to all my friends that have passed. You all have worked to your own capabilities to be where you are today, well done.
There’s still a few tears prickling me at the thought of failure, but I know that at the end of the day it’s not the grade on a piece of paper that matters, it is the quality of the art and how happy I am with it and my life. I will work to achieve what I now know what I really want, even if it has been delayed longer than I wanted.
A word of advice for anyone thinking of going into an art degree: do it. But be aware of everything from your priorities to your wants and needs. I wish I could tell my past self who is just starting out on this journey to do the work to BE HAPPY, not just do it for the sake of ticking boxes.
The next post will be after this extra work is complete and I can finally relax with a cocktail on a beach somewhere sunny.
See you in a month or two, keep an eye out!
1 day left until the exhibition is over.
4 days and 1 month until I move from university back to home.
18 days and 1 month until I graduate for good.
And forever to be whatever I want to be for the rest of my life.
It is coming to the end of my education in university, and I am not scared for whatever happens afterwards. I am willing to embrace the dramatic change and become an adult with a degree. I know what I want to do with what skills I have developed over the last five years, and will not become one of those who wastes their degree by getting a shelf job, never having to use what they spent thousands to learn. Yes I will need to get a part-time job probably stacking shelves to start with until my art becomes the main source of income, but I will not let it consume me. I have many options ahead of me and any one of them could change, and that’s ok. So long as I am happy and still doing my art as often as I still am now, maybe more often.
But what I am scared of is what I will be leaving behind. Comparing my life here at university to my life at home is like looking at two completely different people. Here I have friends, a social life. Freedom to walk 5 minutes to the beach and 10 to walk to town. Restaurants and takeaways I have been a regular at so much that the managers and staff recognise me, and have become like friends in a formal manner. A home to look after and pay the bills, something to be proud of (even though I am not proud of the mess it gets in due to the other housemates.) And mostly the people I have come to call friends. It will be hard not being able to simply walk down the corridor just to have a cup of tea and chat with any of them ever again. We all come from different places across the country, and it’s not easy just to hop on the train to visit for a few hours either.
I have learnt so much since moving away from home, and not just art skills, but things that you don’t get taught but learn through experience. I have learnt what it takes to look after myself, cook, clean, how to look after a house. How you don’t have to get everyone to like you and accept people for who they are and myself, that I shouldn’t change anything about myself just to please others. I am quite an anxious person but have learnt not to let that over come me so often (I can even talk to people on the phone now!) I now know what I like and dislike. I am not afraid to be myself. I have a better relationship with my parents now that I understand adult things and why they do what they do.
I have a plan and a future ahead of me and cannot wait for it.
Thank you for everyone who has followed this blog. This is not the end yet. Keep an eye out.
Quite frankly I am not in the right state of mind to be writing this, as I have been talking in an online chat to a certain company for about two hours with no end result to the situation they put me in. I am so angry that my hands still feel the need to be typing, like when you are holding back verbally in an argument, and then when you are alone you start screaming and lashing out.
Anyway, back to the reason I am here, and you are reading: what have I been up to this month? Or rather, last TWO months, as I missed both January and February posts. I am so forgetful that this blog may become bi-monthly instead. I tend to keep my other social media sites more updated anyway, so if you want that, then feel free to follow them too!
I cannot remember if I told you of my recent university project, but it involves making lampshades out of felt. It is still in progress, but you can at least see the experiments here on the YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBx93-IVr38YuFGBcDoKOEg
Also I plan to open the online shop a few months early, and have been planning the products. So far is this adorable little ring of a ladybug!
Obviously not just this singular one, more will be made. And finally I have been practicing landscape and portraiture. I want to use coloured pencils, watercolour and crosshatching more in my art, still doing needle and wet felt art too. I could even draw something and then felt it afterwards. Same picture, two different styles of medium.
Keep an eye out for the next post! (I’ll do one at the end of March to make up for the lack of Jan-Feb posts.) Thank you all who do read my updates, as drab as they are. Until next time, bye!
Happy Christmas! (10 days early, I know, but I am in the festive mood)
So what do you think of my card design? Obviously without the self advertising text.
Shall I do other designs ready for next year? (Cannot do them for this year as it is too late for printing last minute etc.)
If anyone is interested in seeing more, let me know! I would love to do more designs and sell them!
Filed under Felt, Knitting
Starting my YouTube channel with a video of the squirrels in Singleton Park today. Don’t worry, it won’t all be videos of squirrels, I plan to start recording my work progress of needle felting with my snazzy new camera! Woo! Keep an eye out for it, in the meanwhile, here is that squirrel video!
One project down, two more and an essay and a report and possibly another essay to go.
All I can say is I am relieved to have done the presentation at last, cause I was such a bundle of nerves painting to the music while standing in front of the tutors and a growing audience. In case I haven’t actually told you in a previous post about this presentation, basically we were given a project at the beginning of the semester to interpret a philosophical line from a book however we wanted. My other blog dedicated to the research of this is here: CLICK!
To sum up the presentation, I did charcoal drawings of a car, cricket, owl, forest, a shadow behind a tree and a cat. The performance involved smudging the images in time to the sound of the car, cricket, owl etc. Then the sounds were slowed down where they were not quite recognisable, and I then painted black over the images, leaving any car lights/eyes/moonlight in place. The end results were black images with white circles.
……..Yeah I know, it’s far from the normal art I do, but the whole point of this project was to open the mind to new possibilities. Don’t worry, the next project planned is more to my taste and more entertaining. I get to use wool again, woo! The new project is to be completely experimental with stitch, knitting, wool, felt, mixed media etc just to see what I can do with these techniques. I am not sure what I will produce in the end, probably a scrap book of all the techniques I will be learning. This will help me gain some new skills to apply to the major project which will be my final one of university. I hope to leave with an amazing piece of work that I will be proud to finish university with.
Plans up till January are to finish my essay (due in a weeks time), do the next presentation slide show of research for the essay, start the experimental project, and finish research for the presentation blog. All in six week. I can do this, right?
Keep an eye out.